No More Tour Divide

Last night's cycle consisted of 10 minutes feeling good, 1 hour feeling bad, 10 minutes good, 1 hour bad ..........      The brakes were driving me mad - every time I came to stop I would pull the brake and nothing happened.  Its just how I usually stop - unclip my left foot and brake with my right hand. Its just how I do it!  Of course then I wouldn't actually stop just end up dragging  my foot along the ground while I remembered what was happening.  Just had to think about it!!
Get to the top of a  climb - downhill - just take it easy! Then there would be a track so I would let myself go and then there would be a sharp corner which I would end up skidding around, just about managing not to fall! It just meant I had to go slowly down a really good downhill - I remember this particular one from last year - when I lost my flip flops - it was a great one - so I was bummed to have to take it slowly.  
Everything now hurts - being annoyed and upset seems to make my ankle hurt even more - I have mouth ulcers, numb hands, cuts on my face and nose - feel like a complete mess.  
At the bottom of the hill I sat under the bridge for a while - not too sure why but I did. Had another muffin and looked at the route.  I knew the next hill would be horrible.  I remember it from last year - up a grass bank to the top of the mountain and then straight down a grassy bank the other side - more an animal track than a trail.  This was the one the guy in the bike shop warned me against - he said I would have to hike it down.  A hairy descent!!    While  looking at the map I noticed the highway underneath would take me back to Butte and looked fairly flat.  Then I also realised that I still had a hotel room in Butte that I had already paid for as I had checked in in the morning.  Butte also had an airport with flights to Denver.  Then I also realised that I was not going to finish this ride........  I could go on further but would probably still have to stop assuming the problems with my bike were going to continue.   Best case scenario would be to take a few days off to get my bike repaired but that would put me so far behind my planned time for this ride and I simply could not afford those extra days - there is no point for me to just carry on just to say I have finished without worrying about how long that would take.  Realistically I now knew I was not going to finish - and the further I went the more difficult and expensive it would be to get home again.

Nothing seems to be working out for me on this trip and that seems to be emphasising the pain my body is feeling.  If my bike was working I could cope with my ankle and everything else - maybe if my ankle was not so bad I would cope better with my bike?   I just feel like throwing my bike off the cliff just now!  

So - two o'clock in the morning and I decide I have had enough - I ride back to Butte and check into the hotel again.

Next morning everything hurts!  Maybe my body is just not up to this ride? I dont mind riding for months on end as long as I get to eat well.  Eating has been a huge problem for me.  Some people on the trail can get by on a power bar for breakfast, ride a few miles and have a good meal and then ride again till its time to camp and then get up for their power bar!!  Not me!  The night I camped I had 3 sandwiches and tons of snacks and still woke up in the morning feeling hunger sick!!  i then stil had to stop every 10/20 minutes for a snack till I found somewhere for breakfast!! Camping out for prolonged periods requires too much food - so maybe I am just not suited to this sort of ride - I thought I woull dbe but it seems not!  Well - thats how I feel right now anyway!!  

I feel happy enough with my decision and manage to book a flight home to Denver.  Going to take a few days to recover and get my bike sorted out!  One thing I have realised is that I am quite good at riding non stop for 24 hours straight - so I am going to try a few 24 hour bike races and see if I am better suited to them.  There are actually three races I have my eye on.  I also rather like the idea of the Colorado Trail Race - sam kind of idea as the Tour Divide but only 500 miles - might be better. People complete in 4 - 8 days.  Will set my expectations a little lower and just see how I get on.

Thank you very much to everyone for their support again - mum and dad have been wonderful - always supporting me in my stupidity. Also thanks to a great friend who I talked to every day and who helped me through it all.

Am already looking forward to the next challenge!!

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